Wednesday, February 7, 2018

Delores Eason's Eulogy



Typically, I’m singing when I’m on the stage, but there’s no song in me today. Instead, we’re here to celebrate my mother, my best friend, and my teacher.
Growing up, whenever I would sing a tune, she would jump in and back me up in harmony. Eventually, I understood the mechanics of what she was doing, and when she’d sing a tune, I’d harmonize right back at her. This was a very special connection, and recently brought me to a very hard realization.
Several years ago, we talked about singing together here in the church. But that never happened given the circumstances unfolding with Dad, and our scheduling. Now I’m left with two lists: the shoulda/coulda list, and the regrets list. The first contains everything I should have and could have done with both Mom and Dad in the time we had, while the second “regrets” list details situations that I wished never happened, or I could've handled better.

Mom was very much a go-getter. She didn’t take no for an answer. She was extremely stubborn when it came to getting her way. If you crossed her, you were in trouble. If you were a kid, the burn of her laser eyes halted any rebellion. This ability made Mom a very successful business woman and helped her get things done the correct way. I felt sorry for all those individuals who suffered her wrath if a job, service, or some other task wasn’t performed immediately and correctly. Their defeat wasn’t pretty.
Look at her this way: her father and my grandfather, Ralph Garrison, loved watching Walker: Texas Ranger. But according to Michael, her grandson, she WAS Walker: Texas Ranger, only without the karate and kung fu. She didn’t need all that. You simply didn’t cross her. The laser eyes were painful enough.

That said, her sheer determination kept me alive in my early years. I was no picnic on a health level given I endured two surgeries prior to leaving the nest. Looking back, I can’t imagine carting my own fragile child eight hours away to the big city of Atlanta after everything the child endured. That took tremendous strength, and loads of faith that the young, fragile boy could be responsible enough to maintain his health requirements without her supervision.
For all of that, I owe her a debt I can never repay. That sacrifice alone was just one example of the way she was highly protective of her family. No one crossed her kids and grandkids else they’d suffer her wrath. She was the mother hen so to speak, and Dad was just as protective.

You can’t deny that Mom and Dad were two peas in a pod. They were very much alike, and equally as stubborn. Throw me into the mix, and you have three steaming bulls with red capes in a very tight arena. Mom and I get it earnestly from Grandad, as he was equally as stubborn. Grandma, on the other hand, was the gentlest soul I have ever known.
Looking back, Grandma played somewhat of a mother role while my mother served as a big sister. I can’t tell you how many people looked at Mom and couldn’t believe she WAS responsible for my birth. She was an incredibly striking woman, and she knew how to take advantage of her looks and southern girl charm. I always chuckled when I’d watch Mom bat her eyes and grin at me after she’d charmed a man into getting a discount, expedited service, or whatever she wanted at that moment. Heck, she could charm anyone.
Growing up, I had friends that just couldn’t keep away from her. One of them recently called her a “special lady” and “very outgoing,” and commented on how he appreciated the way Mom treated all my friends as equals rather than speaking to them as children. She’d even tell everyone raunchy, dirty jokes that I’m not sure Dad really appreciated. She definitely had no limits.

Fact is, there are so many memories to share that I could spill into a second service, but I don’t think the pastor is on board with that. We did so much as a family, and she herself seemingly went everywhere as a flight attendant, bringing back all kinds of goodies stemming from her trips. She loved that job even more than working as a realtor simply because she could tour the world. But then again, she still had an updated realtor license the day she joined Dad in heaven. Go figure.
But despite having loved touring the world, she simply had enough of it after Dad passed away. She missed him beyond words and was eager to rejoin him by his side. Nothing I could say would convince her to stay with us a little longer. She was desperate to return to her husband, and that’s where she is now. The best that any of us could do after Dad’s passing was to obey her wishes and make her as comfortable as possible. Because if we didn’t do as commanded, she threatened to haunt us for the rest of our lives.
She was kidding of course…. At least, I hope she was kidding.

But I can’t blame her for wanting to go home. Mom and Dad had an incredible romance. Sure, they had their ups and downs, but now she’s where she wants to be: next to the love of her life. I’m not entirely sure if playing Johnny Mathis records is allowed in Heaven, so they might be in a little trouble. Let’s just say that if you heard Johnny Mathis playing on that big brown turn table in the living room, you needed to vacate the house immediately. Kid repellant.
Honestly, as a kid, I didn’t actually know that Mom already knew Dad prior to marrying my biological father. Details like that were irrelevant when I was young. Sappy romantic stuff…. blah blah blah. But as an adult, those details lay the foundation of an incredible romance that will endure forever. That said, I simply can’t honor Mom without honoring Dad because she loved him so much and suffered so much when he suffered in his final years.

Unfortunately, Mom was a very private person regarding her health and other issues. She didn’t want to trouble anyone. Her passing was a shock, yet it wasn’t. On the Monday prior to joining Dad, all she talked about was protecting and supporting the family she was leaving behind. I just thought Mom was having another cloudy day: they came and went because her heart was so broken. But I think she knew she was going home to Dad at any moment, and I just wasn’t listening. She knew and didn’t say anything because that’s just my Mom. Stubborn till the end.
Her final, parting lesson to me had nothing to do with singing. It had everything to do with time. We’re not promised a tomorrow. We’re not allowed to fix yesterday. We must take each day as if it’s our first and our last. Love each other unconditionally without strings. Grudges are simply useless.
I can also hear Dad say that if anything, slow down, take a breath, and enjoy the loved ones in your life. We tend to get wrapped up in our work and busy lives, and the next thing you know, decades are gone in an instant.
That all said, when I was searching through the generations of photos left behind by my grandparents and parents, I stumbled on a prayer mixed in with all those pictures. It was as if she left behind one final note that she wanted me to give to you:
Lord, support us all the day long,
Until the shadows lengthen and the evening comes,
And the busy world is hushed,
And the fever of life is over and our work is done.
Then in thy mercy, grant us a safe lodging,
And a holy rest,
And a peace at the last.
Mom, thanks for enriching our lives. Thanks for the memories, the laughter, the love, the jokes, and the support. Your work here is finally done. You’re home now, so go play golf on Heaven’s greens with Dad knowing your legacy lives on. We’ve got this.
Oh, and tell Dad the Philadelphia Eagles won the Superbowl. He’s gonna love that.
Delores Faye Eason
June 30, 1947 - January 26, 2018
Timothy Gray Eason
August 25, 1942 - April 25, 2016

Delores Eason's Eulogy

Typically, I’m singing when I’m on the stage, but there’s no song in me today. Instead, we’re here to celebrate my mother, my best frie...